You identify that the current KSA regulations identify which foods and drinks should not be
served in schools, but give not guidance about what foods could be which would enhance
the nutrition value of food at school. This would seem to be a key point which could be
You have provided some contextual information on adolescent obesity rates in KSA.
Evidence of reading around the topic
Areas for further development
The work needs to have a clearer logical flow, with minimal repetition, greater clarity of
argument, removal of points that were incorrect and explanation when references used are
from other countries or situations .
You need to make sure that the references and points you make help advance your line of
argument, for example, the point about cholesterol levels in adolescents – how did this relate
to your topic. Furthermore, you need to ensure that the references are appropriate to what is
being discussed, and explain when using information from USA or Tanzania, how this
relates to your discussion. You have read a lot of articles about adolescent obesity but
many of them do not seem to relate to the subject of obesity in KSA.
Check that any inconsistencies in data are explained – eg the different adolescent obesity
rates you refer to. Your data all seems to show that there is more obesity than overweight in
KSA which is not the pattern usually found.. This needed to be examined.
The proposals for action went very wide, including government, school, parents. Choosing
just to focus on the school setting as the title suggested would have enabled you to consider
in more depth what exactly you are proposing should change in the school setting.
The possibility of cities, regions or national governments setting school food standards which
contractors have to comply with did not seem to be fully considered. If there are reasons
why this is not possible in KSA this needed to be explained. (reply to this points to state in
the new work: the ministry of education contracting with one company to provide the food to
all the schools in Saudi Arabia, this company follows the standers but schools doesn’t sell
these foods and each canteen offers unhealthy food because the monitoring is weak. Also,
to increase the selling percentage because for example they provide Dunkin donuts that
raise the price to double because the students want to get it because the canteens provide it
as against the standards. Provide reference)
In several places there were sentences and statements which did not make sense.
In text referencing style is incorrect throughout the document.
Overall – the standard of work does not reflect level 7 study.
You are advised concentrate on bringing the existing writing up to standard, rather than
doing much further research or reading of papers.
EX Title: THE ROLE OF SCHOOLS IN FACILITATING EFFECTIVE APPROACHES TO
DEAL WITH OBESITY AMONG ADOLESCENT GIRLS IN SAUDI ARABIA
Example of title to paraphrasing: the effect of a school-based lifestyle intervention program
on some nutritional and physical activity habits as well as weight change among the girls
students in the intermediate schools in Saudi.
The word count is up to 3,000 words and must not be exceeded. Work will be marked
up to the specified word limit, any words beyond this limit will not be marked. Tables,
referencing, bibliography and appendices are not included in the word count. Please include
your word count on the front cover.
Breakdown of the task
Issue: Identify a nutrition problem/issue or concern affecting a country, community,
population group with which you have some familiarity or are particularly interested in.
Context: Describe and contextualise the issue (eg. nature, scale, trend of problem),
critically appraising its determinants.
Barriers and Opportunities: Identify barriers and opportunities for change (eg.existing
practice, targets or policy).
What has worked: Review any existing evidence of effectiveness or experience/guidance
or recommendations for tackling the issue, and discuss whether the best or promising
practice identified is transferable to your chosen context.
Proposal Propose an appropriate evidence-based course of action/ project proposal
based on your work exploring the determinants and evidence of ‘what works’ in the
preceding sections. The proposal should take account of economic, cultural and psychosocial constraints. Justify your proposed action and choice of design, and suggest how it
could be monitored or evaluated. Comment on social justice/inequalities aspects and
sustainability as relevant.
1- the whole essay should be divided to 4 parts cos then it would be easier to write and read
The main comments
A-issue (introduction or background)worldwide and in Saudi arabia
b- what Saudi doing now to solve it
c- what other country did to solve it
d- ur proposal the solution u can take from others country as arab gulf states to fit in swuadi
2- most of it talking about obesity in general not how schools is affecting the obesity .maybe
u should mention how long is the school time ?how many meals ? what type the meals are ?
The work have to follow the bellow:
table of contents:
Background and context
Please do as the example of (obesity in workplace) but in my title + state the background of
policy and regulation of girls Saudi Schools + state that the schools in Saudi Arabia are
separate. Schools for girls only and schools for boys only.
One of the issues is Social inequalities, there are different between boys and girls in Saudi
Arabia. girls’ students are not allowed to leave school at all. except after the end of the daily
working hours, which is from 7 am to 1:30 pm, the school door is locked at all the school
time. so they only have the school canteen to buy from. But the boys’ schools at the
breakfast break time, which is at 9:30 in the morning, which is for a period of 40 minutes,
boys allows students to leave the school, so they can choose to buy their food and also it is
a time to do some kind of sport, which is walking, and not only within the limits of the school
building like female students.
- please state these Issues
*Schools doesn’t Educate healthy food and physical activity.
*Schools doesn’t offer practice physical lessons.
*The ministry of education contracting with one company to provide the food to all the
schools in Saudi Arabia, this company follows the standers but schools doesn’t sell these
foods and each canteen offers unhealthy food because the monitoring is weak. Also, to
increase the selling percentage because for example they provide Dunkin donuts that raise
the price to double because the students want to get it because the canteens provide it as
against the standards. Provide reference)
Barriers and opportunities:
Please follow the example of (obesity at workplace) and do the same as that example. Also,
please use the above examiner feedback and comments to do this part.
What has worked:
Can you find the successful programme that worked which is the same programme of my
proposal? it have to be what approach worked in other country which was successful, it have
to give examples of the successful approach that worked in other country (it must to be from
Arab Gulf states)) and stated in the text that: so that the programme or approach can be
transferred to Saudi because the environments are similar. Also, What has worked have to
be as an example of proposal that you will present.
Use the bellow for proposal but in the good way and add all the information that required to
success the proposal
The following three phases were implemented among the schools selected as the
intervention group: (i) base-line survey; (ii) intervention; and (iii) evaluation (post-survey)
(i) Base-line survey phase: This was conducted amongst the students of the selected
schools, with an aim to assess their healthy lifestyle patterns using the same tools, namely,
questionnaire and anthropometric measurements. Each student who agreed to participate
was interviewed first to collect sociodemographic data using a pre-tested, structured, closeended questionnaire (following the stepwise approach to surveillance STEPS procedure)
Questionnaires were administered in the classroom with the assistance of a class teacher to
collect information on students’ sociodemographic characteristics such as age, sex, and
socioeconomic status; behavioral risk factors such as dietary patterns
and physical activity; as well as family history of chronic diseases. Then, the student’s
anthropometric measurements were measured and recorded.
(ii) Intervention phase: This phase started in the two selected intervention schools for all
students. The main goal of the intervention was based on promotion of healthy lifestyle
patterns such as weight reduction, decreased consumption of fat, increased consumption of
fruits and vegetable, and increased exercise. It focuses on the promotion of physical
education classes per week; additional sport and play activities outside school hours;
counseling sessions by the team and classroom education on healthy eating behavior; and
active living and healthy lifestyle choices .
The intervention strategies were as follows:
- One-day counseling session: The objectives of this session were:
• to convey knowledge to all students as well as teachers
• to influence attitudes and behaviors of students
• to assess knowledge and practice toward their healthy lifestyle
• the session included lectures, open discussions, role-playing, games, and
- Health education classes: Following the strategies for healthy eating and physical
activity within existing curriculum using classroom teachers for all students.
- Morning session before class (Taboor): practice exercise.
- Messages and material for the parents: mainly for those at risk to confirm their
participation and collaboration
- Individual intervention plan for overweight and obese students